Say WHAT?

Yes, yes.. a lot of seriousness have come out of these fingers lately. We must remedy that.

Today I’m going to share some random craziness that is my life:


1.  While talking about hte possibility of becoming a foster family Connor says, "I've always wanted a pretend brother or sister."

2.  The day after my daughter's 4th hamster perished, while standing in line at Target, she asks me if she can have one of those tiny Barbie toys hanging by the counter.
I say “no”. She tears up and says “Every time I hear the word no, I think about my
dead hamster”


3. My son, 9 years old, gets to pick any number for his jersey.. this is what he picks

      

Can you tell his father took him?  99 and 1 were both taken.. but I would have at least suggested any other number.

4.  One day, walking through Whole Foods, I threaten to take Connor out of the race car cart and make him walk.  I sternly say “Do you want to walk again”  To which every adult within earshot jerked their head around at and stared.  Some guy chuckling walked by and said “Geez, she’s going to break your legs son, I’d listen to her!”

5.  I let Abby give me a makeover.  As she starts moving down my chin with the lipstick, I give her a confused look.  She looks at me and says, “I accidentally messed up so I made you a zombie.”

6.    When C was about 3 or so he was eating ice cream with Nana & Papa.  After taking too big of a bite, he got a brain freeze.  He held his little fists up by his face and with his eyes closed repeated “Be brave, be brave” only it came out “Be Bwave, be bwave”

     
7.  A letter from C to A:

 To Abby From Connor:  I love you so much my head could explode.  Love, Connor

8.   My daughter created a secret handshake to share with her Aunt J which consists of some fiving, fist bumps and ends in their hands gesturing in an arch as they say “rainbow” followed by a growl.

 9.   No caption necessary:

10.       I've got "fashion" in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it....

11.       A:  “I swallowed my earring”

12.    Yet another makeover by my sweet daughter.  This time she starts putting make-up on my nose.  I look at her confused and she says, "I messed up on the eyes so I made you a clown."  I don't see a Mary Kay career in her future.

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y

All too often lately I’m left of a feeling of “I’m so done” and the day is not nearly over.  I feel like I have given all that I have to give and am ready to retreat to my bedroom with the door locked, curtains drawn, and blanket over my head. 

So when a day comes where things fall into place and everyone is cheery, light-hearted, and behaving I want to dance and shout it from the rooftops.  Yesterday was just that day for me.  The heavens opened and light poured over my family and the angels sang.

The day before, however, was brutal.  We had discussion after discussion with our 9 year old son about looking at the bright side of things.  He has a HUGE tendency to focus on the negatives.  He is a child that can look at a rainbow and point out that the colors are off just so.  Deciding enough was enough, my husband and I sat down and had a serious talk about how having a positive attitude can make life so much more enjoyable.  To which he replied that there weren’t any positives in anything he did.  We talked and talked, gave example after example, until we threw our hands up in the air, and said “Fine, if you insist on being miserable go be miserable in your room so we don’t have to be a part of it.” 

I felt like a failure right then with no idea what else to do… I prayed. 

The next day I pass my son’s class in the hall (this is usually the point where I quickly duck into a room and hide until they pass) and his teacher informs me that he has been a model student all day.  He looks at me and smiles and says not only is he having a great day but that he is looking forward  to playing baseball tonight(which up until this point has consisted of our dragging him kicking and screaming).  He gets home from school still in a great mood talking about all of the positive things he’s focused on today and how it has just been the best day ever.  We go to baseball where he scores twice, gets a sweet hit, and stands in his “down and ready” position outfield instead of dancing around tossing his hat in the air.  His team wins their first game this season and there are 11 boys cheering and jumping with joy. 

I get home, curl up on the couch with a fever of 101 and think.. Thank you Jesus, this was the perfect day!

Dark Days

I didn't intend on publishing this post but after some thought, maybe someone needs to hear it. 

I love to write happy/silly things, but most of all I feel compelled to write about "real" things.  Today's reality is that I do not feel happy or silly at all.  I feel tired and broken.  I can not find a funny spin to put on my current situation, not even a hint of sarcasam.  For those who know me, know it must indeed be a dark day.

Parenting is hard.  You build relationships with other parents so that you have someone who can assure you that you aren't totally messing up your children or that we each mess them up in our own special way.  They too have pinched their child's leg in the seat belt or had an outburst that immediately embarrassed them.  So, when you get to the point when you share your most recent struggles and all you get in return is crickets.. it can feel so alone.

While I know I am not the only parent that has a 9 year old boy that struggles with control over his emotions, I can't tell you how nice it would be to have someone say, "Hey, I've been there and it sucks, but you'll get through it."   Because right now I just feel hopeless.  I am confused and scared and raw.  I feel like an utter failure as a parent and have no idea what to do next.  All I can do is fall to my knees and pray.  I pray for guidance, intervention, peace, patience, and wisdom.  I pray for strength, compassion, and perseverance.   I ask that God gives us the words we need to speak and the timing for when to speak them.  I ask that He gives us the tools we need to deal with the situations as the arise and the clarity to see the right way to use them.  I pray that my son feels God's calming hand wrap peace around his life.  That he can be in better control of his anger and forgive himself when he isn't.  I praise Him for blessing me with my wonderful family and trust in Him to get us through whatever comes next.

Renewed

Raging storms crash, howl and scream

You bring the stillness of waters untouched by the faintest breeze

Darkness consumes us, cold and bitter

You shine light brighter than the sun, casting no shadows

We fall broken, beaten and hopeless

You restore us whole, beautiful and new
 

Watch It My Friend!

I write this post as a warning to a few of my fellow "bootcampers."  You know who you are.  You walk in in your tiny swatches of spandex and chiseled abs with a spring in your step.  I look to you as an inspiration and only hope to be a little like you someday.  But be warned.. when you come in and complain about being tired after your 10 mile run from earlier today and how you aren't sure you are up for more exercise.. the likelihood of my "accidentally" tripping you as you breeze past me during our warm-up laps is extremely high.  I'm not proud of it, but it just has to happen.

Sorry, but when I talk about surviving another boot camp session,  I mean just that, survived.  I crawl away still breathing, or rather panting, and consider it a success.  Getting through a session takes everything I have.  I wobble out to the car, drive home and collapse over the edge of the tub, kick the lever with my foot and accept whatever temperature of water comes out as there really isn't anything I can do about it anyway.  My abs won't lift by body to change it and the one kick was all my leg had left.  It's a miracle that I don't drown.  As water starts to pour over the edge, B come in and turns it off.  I roll back over the edge of the tub and flop onto the rug on the floor.  Here I air dry/possibly sleep for the night.  For the next several days I struggle with meneal tasks such as brushing my hair and typing.  So as my arms shake with these final key strokes I bid you good night.

Gluten - A Natural Rage Suppressor?

Okay, so I've know a few people, namely my sister,  who have gone gluten-free and rave about it.  For this reason alone I have resisted the urge to try such a diet, it must be a fad after all.  However, after yet another long stretch of medical difficulties my doctor suggested I cut the gluten and see if it might be the magical remedy I needed. 

I begin the initial diet rating my days on the following scale:

Day 1 gluten-free:  Urge to kill low
Day 2 gluten-free:  Urge to kill rising
Day 5 gluten-free:  Urge to kill HIGH (B eating a slab of pound cake next to me in the car did't help)
Day 9 gluten-free:  Urge to kill waning

After the first week though, I really didn't mind the changes.  We mostly cook at home and there are a lot of options out there now that make the change easier.  The hardest part at this point was telling my sister about the change.  While she didn't say "I told you so,"  I still had a mental picture of Mr. Burns drumming his fingers together and saying "excellent!" 

I think what made the biggest impact though, was everyone telling me how much better I was going to feel.  So many people spout the same story.  "After a few weeks you will feel like a new person"  or "I feel so good and have so much energy."  So when we went out to eat for the first time since going GF, I felt a surge of panic when I realized that there is basically NOTHING I could order besides a plain salad at the restaurant.  I wanted to cry, but reminded myself that I was going to be a new person soon and the cheesy goodness of the eggplant parm is just not worth it anyway.  From then on we researched places to eat before going, which helped.

I'm now on week 5 of being GF and how do I feel???  Bitchy!  Like an all out grumpus-pants McGee.  I have no idea why.  I don't miss the food I can't eat, I have found great alternatives.  I've lost 10lbs and had a week off from work.  Sounds like a recipe for happiness if I have ever heard one.  However, for the last week I KNOW the mail person looks at me funny.. judging me.  The person at the grocery store bumped into me on purpose and stole something out of my cart.  My friends and family have all suddenly developed the most obnoxious habits, like asking me how my day is going.  Ugh, I go GF and the whole world goes mad!   My only guess is that someone is slipping me steroids, I only have to find out who. 

In a couple of more weeks I guess we will know for sure if GF is the way to be, or not.  Doc says the best way to find out is to eat some and see if I die.  Maybe not his exact words..  Here's hoping the pill they gave me was the "magic" I needed and I can go back to being nicer to my fellow man.  Until then.. watch yourselves!  Ha ha ha!  No, really.. watch yourselves!

I CAN Laugh at Myself! (I just wish it didn't have to be so often)

After 2 nights of little sleep, an extreme amount of pain in my ear, and little food (as it hurts to chew), I arrive at work determined to teach a website class.  My boss comes in and asks how I am and I immediately burst into tears in front of everyone in my office.  I'm horrified, pull myself together and tell her I'm fine.  She exits and we all sit in awkward silence.  After debating how to handle this, I stand up and say "I'm sorry, I'm fine..I won't cry anymore I promise.  Now, no more awkwardness."  Everyone giggles and the air is lighter.  I turn to exit for my class and immediately trip over a fan. 


Such is my life.