Dark Days

I didn't intend on publishing this post but after some thought, maybe someone needs to hear it. 

I love to write happy/silly things, but most of all I feel compelled to write about "real" things.  Today's reality is that I do not feel happy or silly at all.  I feel tired and broken.  I can not find a funny spin to put on my current situation, not even a hint of sarcasam.  For those who know me, know it must indeed be a dark day.

Parenting is hard.  You build relationships with other parents so that you have someone who can assure you that you aren't totally messing up your children or that we each mess them up in our own special way.  They too have pinched their child's leg in the seat belt or had an outburst that immediately embarrassed them.  So, when you get to the point when you share your most recent struggles and all you get in return is crickets.. it can feel so alone.

While I know I am not the only parent that has a 9 year old boy that struggles with control over his emotions, I can't tell you how nice it would be to have someone say, "Hey, I've been there and it sucks, but you'll get through it."   Because right now I just feel hopeless.  I am confused and scared and raw.  I feel like an utter failure as a parent and have no idea what to do next.  All I can do is fall to my knees and pray.  I pray for guidance, intervention, peace, patience, and wisdom.  I pray for strength, compassion, and perseverance.   I ask that God gives us the words we need to speak and the timing for when to speak them.  I ask that He gives us the tools we need to deal with the situations as the arise and the clarity to see the right way to use them.  I pray that my son feels God's calming hand wrap peace around his life.  That he can be in better control of his anger and forgive himself when he isn't.  I praise Him for blessing me with my wonderful family and trust in Him to get us through whatever comes next.