Confession

So earlier this year God told us to move to Austin.  I was like, "Whoa, God.. seriously??  But I like my job, love my friends, and love, love our church!  We just started fostering.  Are you sure?  Maybe you have us mixed up with someone else."  No amount of pleaing changed what had become obvious to our family.. we were about to become Texans.  

 There is something exciting about a new adventure.  I forgot the worries and focused on the adventure.  We packed up and and began our new journey.  Austin was exciting, there was/is so much to explore that we never run out of things to do.  We've been here almost 3 months and have barely touched the number of great parks, hiking/biking trails, lakes and so on.  Brandon loves his new job and is excelling at it already.  The kids have a number of friends and our house is full most days.

It's easy for me to tell you all about the great things we have seen and done here so far.  How following His will just requires faith.  I have faith.. I'm here aren't I?  I still have no doubt in my mind that God wants us here for whatever reason.  But something happened shortly after we moved here.  My excitement faded and I was left feeling empty.  Most days I was content to sit and my room and do nothing.  I'd take the kids to a park or to the pool and then call it good.  We started running again and that helped.  We even found a pretty great church.  Yet, every Sunday I had to REALLY fight not to cry while sitting in this great church that was not mine.  I missed MY church.  I missed my friends. I missed my family. I missed and worried about our foster kiddo. I didn't know what I was supposed to do career wise.  I was developing some serious bitterness.  I would have never admitted it, but I was mad at God.  How could He lead me here and then leave me, alone,  without a clue of what I am supposed to be doing?

Then, while sitting at church last Sunday, WHAM!, it hit me. He didn't leave me.. I left Him.  I've been pouting for 3 months.  I haven't been spending time with Him, doing devotionals.  I really haven't been praying outside of specific requests for others.  Essentially, I've been sitting in the corner, arms crossed, lip stuck out and pouting.  Poor pitiful me!  You can ask my children or my students.. I don't tolerate pouting, can't stand it!  Yet, here I was.  

So, I'm writing this as a declaration:  "NO MORE!"  I started a daily devotion time this week am praying and searching for where God wants me to be.  I'm no longer sitting around thinking about what I can't do, but what I am going to do.  We're joining a community group at church and will start serving soon.  We were given a gift with this move, and I'm going to figure out why.. and then LIVE it.  I'm putting it out there so that if you see me with my lip out, you can give me a swift kick in the rear.  


"The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."     - Deuteronomy 31:8