BITTERSWEET

I am always amazed when things fall so perfectly into place.  We are so blessed.  Our house is under contract, scheduled to close mid-May.  We have signed a lease on a house in Austin.  From a "To-Do" list perspective, everything is going even better than we could have hoped.  As the days count down, we are excited to begin this new adventure.

However, as we prepare to say our goodbyes to friends we cherish and a community we love, I am deeply saddened.  It's strange to think that we've only been here 2 1/2 years because it has felt like so much longer.  Our time here has been filled with great memories, incredible people, and a renewed sense of purpose.  We have not felt as this "at home" in a community since leaving our childhood "home" 14 years ago.  It is going to be a sad departure.

I figured I would get this out of the way before it is "done" as it will likely take a while before I'm ready to talk about it again.

Even less exciting is the prospect of saying goodbye to a little girl who has made a home in our hearts over the last couple of months.   Last night as we signed her in at church it occurred to me that this was the last time we would be doing so.  I'm sure last night's message was a good one, as they always are, but I have to admit that my mind was somewhere else.  I knew it was coming.  I knew it would suck.  In a matter of days I will say goodbye to my little Sugar Bug.  My heart is already breaking.  I pray, wherever she goes from here, that she is safe, happy, and as loved as she was loved by us. 

 "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

                                                                                        -1 Corinthians 13:7

We're Off to See the Wizard!

So life in our household the last few months has been somewhat overwhelming.  My boss passed away just before February, B was called out of the blue during this time and offered a job, and we became foster parents.  To say it has been stressful may be the understatement of the year.  

First of all, my boss was an amazing man.  I love my job, and he was a big part of why.  Our department is filled with absolutely wonderful people, and he was kind and supportive to us all.  He had a real impact on the students in the community.  His loss will be felt for some time.

One night B received a call about an opportunity.  It was a great opportunity.... in Austin, TX.  My boss was in the hospital on life support and all I could say was that it sounded great, but honestly I couldn't even think about it for a few days.  While I didn't want to think about moving, I did begin to pray.  God has blessed us so much, so I put our future in His hands.  Notice I don't say gladly, ha!  We love our home, our church, our friends.. so it was hard to fathom leaving it all behind.  However, over the next few weeks, it became apparent that it was His plan for us to leave.  So the planning began.  I would like to take just a moment to acknowledge how incredibly proud I am of my husband. 

Right about the same time, we were finally approved to provide foster care.  We had been working toward this for months and it seemed so strange that God would have us move so soon after "getting there."  But, we were led to do this so I must believe that, for whatever length of time we are here, it is for a greater purpose than I can imagine.  I know that after just a little over a month already, he has opened my eyes and blessed me more than I ever expected.  I realize not everyone is called to foster.  Heck, some days I'm convinced I was wrong about myself.  But, in the moments I am about to give up, something always happens.  EVERY time I get low God sends a person, an email, a message, and I feel renewed.  Energy and confidence restored... ready to take on the next day.  While I don't fully understand what the plan is.. I am confident that we will take on the long, daunting process again in Texas so that we can continue to foster.  Oh, and in case you didn't know I suck at being patient.

Here we are.. uncertain of A LOT!  Where we will live, when we will leave, when our house will sell, what I shall do when we are there, what the fostering process is like there, the list goes on... and on..  So we will pray, and I ask for your prayers.  It is scarey, exciting, sad, and exhilarating.  My heart is full and breaking at the same time.

"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."   John 14:27

Our Journey Begins..

God's timing is perfect.  It's hard to remember that during the waiting process.  After having some hiccups and our "final approval" being postponed by a few days we were finally notified that we were "Open"!  Ten minutes later we had a call for a placement.  There was only one problem, she was a couple hours away and they had to figure out how to get her to us.  ONLY.. B was in the same city.. two hours away and was happy to pick her up.  God's timing is perfect.

So, I won't lie.  The first week was a huge adjustment for us all.  I can't imagine what goes through a child's mind during this time, it breaks my heart to even think about it.  Our kiddos were teetering between excitement, sorrow, and a little fear.  It's confusing having a new person in the mix and not knowing how to act or what to say can be just as stressful on little ones.  I guess I hadn't really thought about that aspect.  You try and prepare as best you can, but really there is nothing that can truly prepare you for a specific child and situation.  God has a way of equipping you as you go.  You just have to keep your faith in Him.  So that is what we have done.  Our family has grown from 4 to 5 for now and our lives are so much richer because of it.  Already I dread goodbyes, even on days where I'm exhausted both mentally and physically.  In two weeks this little girl has worked her way into all of our hearts.  I just pray that we can be whatever she needs us to be in this season of her little life. 

Some of my favorite moments over the last couple of weeks:

1.  We dressed up for our youth ministry night.. 50's style and B pulled his hair back.. Little bit says:  "You're hair is ridiculous"  You really have to hear it pronounced to fully appreciate it.

2.  The nightly request for "You are my Sunshine"

3.  Hearing Connor try and sooth a sad little girl and explain why Abby just wants to go to sleep.

4.  Walking around the neighborhood with our "Scooter Gang"

One Step Closer

 

 
 It's hard to believe that we have made it so far in the process already.  I know it has been months, but suddenly it feels like it has flown by.  Maybe it's the realization that soon we will be diving into unknown waters and praying for God's help to swim.  I keep saying how excited and terrified I am.  There are so many emotions rolled up in this for me, I just have to find peace in knowing that God's got this.
     Our 27 hours of training have been completed, and I'm surprised to say that I am sad.  I am not usually a very good student, but I enjoyed every minute of our training.  We had a fabulous leader and met some really fantastic couples going through the same grueling process we are.  It was really nice to hear about others' stories, hopes and fears.  I really understand why they stress finding support with other foster families in your area.  I think we got lucky because every family we have met thus far has been so wonderful.
     We have some final paperwork and such to finish up, but we are nearing the end of our process.

"I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give. So don't be troubled or afraid."                                       - John 14:27

The Path Ever Changing

Everyone that we've talked to about foster care has warned about how long and chaotic the process is.  Being aware of this fact doesn't make it any easier to swallow.  Anyone that knows me knows how difficult being patient is for me. 

At this point we have turned in all of the paperwork, had physicals and been fingerprinted at the Sherrif's department.  On Friday we had our first home visit, which lasted 2 and a half hours.  We planned on one training session that would have ended at the beginning of February, in Tulsa.  Our agency told us about one that they were having that would be a week at the end of January in the evenings + one Saturday.  It was in Owasso, which was awesome.  However, our trainer wasn't quite finished with her training so it ended up getting canceled.  This was, of course, after the initial training had started so we needed to find another class.  We settled for one the second half of February and would be finished at the beginning of March.  It wasn't as soon as I had hoped, but I'll take what I can get.  I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't on my timeline.

Yesterday, an article on the front page of the Tulsa newspaper spoke about DHS failing to keep children safe.  I can't say that the article was entirely fair in their portrayal of child deaths while in the system, but the main story about a young girl that was killed while staying with an approved family member was gut-wrenching.  The article went on to talk about how many children need homes and how few there are available.  It made me feel even worse about having to wait another month to even begin training.  I emailed our agency asking if we were for sure scheduled for the class at this point as I didn't want to miss another one.  She replied and said that she hadn't heard back yet.  I felt even more deflated.  Later that afternoon I received a message from her saying that she needed to talk to us about some other options.  My heart sank...  the classes fill up fast, I know this.  She didn't answer when I called back.

I got home that evening and we all went on a walk.  I was whining to B about it all when my phone rang.  Turns out that our agency had found another person to do the training and they wanted to start this weekend!  I called my parents to beg them to come down to watch the kids while we attended the class.  Of course, being the wonderful parents they are, they agreed.  B and I were trying to figure out who else we could ask to cover the rest of the Saturdays.  My sister had offered to come in from Ohio, because that is the sort of sister I have, but I'd hate to have her drive 24 hours and not even get to stay that long.  We woke up the next morning with a text from B's sister asking if we ever figured out training this month and if we needed any help, because that is the sort of sister B(I) has (have).  Um.. yeah.. that's the kind of family we have and the kind of God we serve.  Today I am feeling incredibly blessed.  Our family is the kind of family I want to share with others.. they ROCK! 

I received an email with a verse of the day from a co-worker as I was writing this blog.  I had already titled the post.. and it seems even more fitting now.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths

Proverbs 3:5-6

Of course.. I prepare myself for the possibility that tomorrow, it may change again.
 

God's Got This, Baby!

Foster:  encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good).

Sometimes God taps you on the shoulder and let's you in on a plan he has for your life.  Sometimes, should you ignore or put off the tapping, he sticks out a Godly branch for you to to trip over.  As you fall face first to the ground you are left staring His plan in the face.  This is how it was for me and Gods desire for us to be foster parents.  

 The idea of adoption or fostering isn't' a new one for B and I.  We have talked about it off and on over the years.  It was always a nice idea for "down the road."  We had a picture of it in our heads, our kids grown and taking on some older children that struggled finding anyone else to take them in.  This was the plan.  I have learned though, God's plan doesn't always mesh with ours.  Our first Christmas in Oklahoma opened a door to foster care through our church.  Signing up to get gifts for local orphans was the first step.  This initiated a conversation about foster care in our family.  A couple of months later someone from school mentioned a meeting in our community where foster families got together and talked about the reality of fostering, their experiences, and answered questions anyone might have.  Then, a few weeks later, our church held an informational meeting on foster care and volunteer opportunities.  We took the giant folder of paperwork home to look through.  We still felt like it was an opportunity for us to seek in the future, but looking now wouldn't hurt.  

The packet went in my tray at the back of the office.  Later that spring, we participated in "Walk a Mile" at a local children's home.  They don't tell you when you sign up, but they have kids from the shelter all along the walk holding signs about themselves.  They ranged in ages from teens down to just a few years old.  I looked at B and told him I wanted to take them all home.  My heart broke and I knew that these kids needed our help NOW.  From then on I saw little signs everwhere.  However, now that my eyes were opened.. didn't mean that B's were.  God dropped hints everywhere.  There were plugs in the messages at church, news stories and from others in the community.  We had so many questions and fears so we kept putting it off.  In the end it took a great person in our LifeGroup to say to us, "If you are lead to do this, then why wait?  Do it now."  We called to schedule our physicals that week and began completing the piles of paperwork.

Don't get me wrong, we still have a million questions and fears.  I know that my heart will break a hundred times over and I have no clue how I will handle it.  All I know is that God has this plan and I have faith in Him to get us through all of the rest.

My 2 Cents on the Movement Against Common Core

Until now, I have refrained from posting about the Common Core.  Not because I am afraid of what people will think about my opinions, but because I am frustrated with what I see plastered all over Facebook concerning the Standards.  I am not pro-CC, far from it.  However, I think the best way to foil a movement is to post unsubstantiated information as fact in order to create outrage.  The biggest problem I see is the confusion between curriculum and common core.  They are not the same thing.  Common Core is a set of standards used to set expectations for what skills our students should be learning in order to succeed.  Many of the posts I have seen have been outrage over curriculum.  For example, the worksheet over the hair clip that eluded to an adulterous husband  was printed out online and given out to third graders.  It was in fact a real worksheet, given out to a 3rd grade class in Tulsa.  A friend of mine's niece was in that class.  (I realize it may have been given to others as well)  It was completely inappropriate, no question. However, it was no direct result of the Common Core.  There is a plethora of curriculum and lesson plans out there aligned with the common core that are worthless, in my opinion.  Just as there has been for every set of standards.  I only bring this up because if the community takes a stance on "facts" that are not facts, then the movement is doomed to fail.  Failure is not an option, the stakes are too high. So many great people are out there fighting hard for our children and their futures.

My personal, biggest fear with C.C....  After going through the standards for elementary students I have already began to see a huge gap between what is expected and what I was taught is developmentally appropriate.  Try and line up the development of a child's brain with the expectations of Common Core and you will quickly see a problem.  It gets even worse when you realize that there is this black hole between what level a student should be comprehending material and the level in which students qualify for extra help.  This is where, I feel,  a large number of kids will fall through the cracks.

Some of the best advice I have gotten, and I may be biased, was from my husband.  He told me that it is easy to oppose anything and that in order to take a stance you need the following;

1.  A clear understanding of all of the facts.  Do actual research.

2.  The ability to point out the positives about what you are opposing.  If you can't think of one good thing, then you should probably do more research.

3.  An alternative.  Okay, you don't like this.. What should we do instead?

This is all just my opinion, I am no expert.  I have tried to do as much unbiased research as I can, but I'm positive my own opinion is flawed in one way or another.. or 10.   :)