The Path Ever Changing

Everyone that we've talked to about foster care has warned about how long and chaotic the process is.  Being aware of this fact doesn't make it any easier to swallow.  Anyone that knows me knows how difficult being patient is for me. 

At this point we have turned in all of the paperwork, had physicals and been fingerprinted at the Sherrif's department.  On Friday we had our first home visit, which lasted 2 and a half hours.  We planned on one training session that would have ended at the beginning of February, in Tulsa.  Our agency told us about one that they were having that would be a week at the end of January in the evenings + one Saturday.  It was in Owasso, which was awesome.  However, our trainer wasn't quite finished with her training so it ended up getting canceled.  This was, of course, after the initial training had started so we needed to find another class.  We settled for one the second half of February and would be finished at the beginning of March.  It wasn't as soon as I had hoped, but I'll take what I can get.  I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't on my timeline.

Yesterday, an article on the front page of the Tulsa newspaper spoke about DHS failing to keep children safe.  I can't say that the article was entirely fair in their portrayal of child deaths while in the system, but the main story about a young girl that was killed while staying with an approved family member was gut-wrenching.  The article went on to talk about how many children need homes and how few there are available.  It made me feel even worse about having to wait another month to even begin training.  I emailed our agency asking if we were for sure scheduled for the class at this point as I didn't want to miss another one.  She replied and said that she hadn't heard back yet.  I felt even more deflated.  Later that afternoon I received a message from her saying that she needed to talk to us about some other options.  My heart sank...  the classes fill up fast, I know this.  She didn't answer when I called back.

I got home that evening and we all went on a walk.  I was whining to B about it all when my phone rang.  Turns out that our agency had found another person to do the training and they wanted to start this weekend!  I called my parents to beg them to come down to watch the kids while we attended the class.  Of course, being the wonderful parents they are, they agreed.  B and I were trying to figure out who else we could ask to cover the rest of the Saturdays.  My sister had offered to come in from Ohio, because that is the sort of sister I have, but I'd hate to have her drive 24 hours and not even get to stay that long.  We woke up the next morning with a text from B's sister asking if we ever figured out training this month and if we needed any help, because that is the sort of sister B(I) has (have).  Um.. yeah.. that's the kind of family we have and the kind of God we serve.  Today I am feeling incredibly blessed.  Our family is the kind of family I want to share with others.. they ROCK! 

I received an email with a verse of the day from a co-worker as I was writing this blog.  I had already titled the post.. and it seems even more fitting now.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths

Proverbs 3:5-6

Of course.. I prepare myself for the possibility that tomorrow, it may change again.
 

God's Got This, Baby!

Foster:  encourage or promote the development of (something, typically something regarded as good).

Sometimes God taps you on the shoulder and let's you in on a plan he has for your life.  Sometimes, should you ignore or put off the tapping, he sticks out a Godly branch for you to to trip over.  As you fall face first to the ground you are left staring His plan in the face.  This is how it was for me and Gods desire for us to be foster parents.  

 The idea of adoption or fostering isn't' a new one for B and I.  We have talked about it off and on over the years.  It was always a nice idea for "down the road."  We had a picture of it in our heads, our kids grown and taking on some older children that struggled finding anyone else to take them in.  This was the plan.  I have learned though, God's plan doesn't always mesh with ours.  Our first Christmas in Oklahoma opened a door to foster care through our church.  Signing up to get gifts for local orphans was the first step.  This initiated a conversation about foster care in our family.  A couple of months later someone from school mentioned a meeting in our community where foster families got together and talked about the reality of fostering, their experiences, and answered questions anyone might have.  Then, a few weeks later, our church held an informational meeting on foster care and volunteer opportunities.  We took the giant folder of paperwork home to look through.  We still felt like it was an opportunity for us to seek in the future, but looking now wouldn't hurt.  

The packet went in my tray at the back of the office.  Later that spring, we participated in "Walk a Mile" at a local children's home.  They don't tell you when you sign up, but they have kids from the shelter all along the walk holding signs about themselves.  They ranged in ages from teens down to just a few years old.  I looked at B and told him I wanted to take them all home.  My heart broke and I knew that these kids needed our help NOW.  From then on I saw little signs everwhere.  However, now that my eyes were opened.. didn't mean that B's were.  God dropped hints everywhere.  There were plugs in the messages at church, news stories and from others in the community.  We had so many questions and fears so we kept putting it off.  In the end it took a great person in our LifeGroup to say to us, "If you are lead to do this, then why wait?  Do it now."  We called to schedule our physicals that week and began completing the piles of paperwork.

Don't get me wrong, we still have a million questions and fears.  I know that my heart will break a hundred times over and I have no clue how I will handle it.  All I know is that God has this plan and I have faith in Him to get us through all of the rest.

My 2 Cents on the Movement Against Common Core

Until now, I have refrained from posting about the Common Core.  Not because I am afraid of what people will think about my opinions, but because I am frustrated with what I see plastered all over Facebook concerning the Standards.  I am not pro-CC, far from it.  However, I think the best way to foil a movement is to post unsubstantiated information as fact in order to create outrage.  The biggest problem I see is the confusion between curriculum and common core.  They are not the same thing.  Common Core is a set of standards used to set expectations for what skills our students should be learning in order to succeed.  Many of the posts I have seen have been outrage over curriculum.  For example, the worksheet over the hair clip that eluded to an adulterous husband  was printed out online and given out to third graders.  It was in fact a real worksheet, given out to a 3rd grade class in Tulsa.  A friend of mine's niece was in that class.  (I realize it may have been given to others as well)  It was completely inappropriate, no question. However, it was no direct result of the Common Core.  There is a plethora of curriculum and lesson plans out there aligned with the common core that are worthless, in my opinion.  Just as there has been for every set of standards.  I only bring this up because if the community takes a stance on "facts" that are not facts, then the movement is doomed to fail.  Failure is not an option, the stakes are too high. So many great people are out there fighting hard for our children and their futures.

My personal, biggest fear with C.C....  After going through the standards for elementary students I have already began to see a huge gap between what is expected and what I was taught is developmentally appropriate.  Try and line up the development of a child's brain with the expectations of Common Core and you will quickly see a problem.  It gets even worse when you realize that there is this black hole between what level a student should be comprehending material and the level in which students qualify for extra help.  This is where, I feel,  a large number of kids will fall through the cracks.

Some of the best advice I have gotten, and I may be biased, was from my husband.  He told me that it is easy to oppose anything and that in order to take a stance you need the following;

1.  A clear understanding of all of the facts.  Do actual research.

2.  The ability to point out the positives about what you are opposing.  If you can't think of one good thing, then you should probably do more research.

3.  An alternative.  Okay, you don't like this.. What should we do instead?

This is all just my opinion, I am no expert.  I have tried to do as much unbiased research as I can, but I'm positive my own opinion is flawed in one way or another.. or 10.   :)

OH THE HORROR!!

     Today I experienced one of the grossest, most horrifying moments of my life as a mother.  After all the poo, vomit, and such this is saying something.
      Sunday evenings we serve as greeters at church.  While we hold doors open the kids snack and play around outside.  Tonight was like every other Sunday night.  The kids ate their chips, went to the restroom to get a mint and ran around outside.  After the music ended we headed home.
      About 5 minutes into the car ride I hear Connor exclaim, "Abby, it's gross to put something you found on the bathroom floor in your mouth!"  I turned around to see what my daughter was up to and immediately felt sick.  The child was holding an empty tampon applicator to her lips blowing on it.  I immediately grabbed it and threw it to the floor.  Buried my face in my hands and began rocking in my seat while Brandon went on and on about how nasty it is to pick up anything from the bathroom.  He went on about how she was to scrub herself clean, gargle with mouthwash, etc. as soon as we got home.  I'm on the verge of hyperventilating.  For me, Mrs. Germ-a-phobe, I can't imagine anything worse that this very moment.  Connor is giggling saying, "What?  Is it a pregnancy test or something? Did someone pee on it?"  (In hind sight I wonder how he even knows about that.. I'm chalking it up to commercials) 
     I've had about all I can take and begin my lecture.  "Abby, there is probably pee and poop on EVERYTHING on the bathroom floor."  To which Abby replies.. "It was in a wrapper."  I gasp, could there be a glimmer of hope?  "Abby, did you open it up yourself?  What there anything inside?"  Abby replies, "Yes, I opened it and there was some toilet paper wad inside I popped it out."  The heavens opened and a choir of angels sang.  THANK YOU JESUS!!!! 
     Brandon reached over, patted me on the head, and asked if I was going to be alright now.  I went ahead and lectured Abby on taking things from the baskets on the back of the bathroom doors.  Those items are not toys, they are there for the adults to use.  Thankfully, no more questions were asked.

Juice Juice Juice

It seems like every time B watches a documentary, something in our diet changes.  This past week he watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.  So naturally, the next day we are buying a juicer and all of the fruits and veggies that will fit in our fridge.  To be fair, the man does his research before jumping in head first.

This is my experience doing the Juice Fast/Clense.

Day 1:

Not bad.  Breakfast was good, lunch was okay, and dinner tasted gross.  I learned that I DO NOT like beets in my juice.  Aside from the terrible taste, it looked like we were drinking blood.  Of course that is what I told the children we were having, you have to take the joy where  you can in these dark times.  I felt a little tired but still managed to get through boot camp.

Day 2:

Ehh.. I won't lie the first part of the day is waaayyyy better than dinner time.  I still felt tired but again made it through boot camp.  Though, once I came home I curled up in a ball and cried because the making the kids dinner was too much.  I wanted a bite sooo bad.  The good news was I was already down 2 lbs.

Day 3:

Decided to watch the documentary myself for a little inspiration, it was worth the watch.  Hardest day so far.  Keeping busy is a must, otherwise, you just sit and think up all the foods you wish you were eating.  Again, I broke down at dinner time.  It was somewhat eye-opening that I had such an emotional reaction to food.  I like the idea of not letting such a meaningless thing rule my life.  Stepping on the scale = down 4 lbs.

Day 4:

Today I was a little weak.  I keep waiting for this glow and burst of energy but I haven't gotten it. No tears today, so that is a plus. =down 6 lbs

Day 5:  Car broke down..  Brandon picked us up and took us to lunch.  Yep, threw in the towel.  Scale didn't move today, so I had little motivation.

*Update:  So I didn't make it the full 7 days.  I lost 6 lbs and have continued to lose weight by eating a healthy diet and staying active.  I will probably try it again once I've hit a slump.

Say WHAT?

Yes, yes.. a lot of seriousness have come out of these fingers lately. We must remedy that.

Today I’m going to share some random craziness that is my life:


1.  While talking about hte possibility of becoming a foster family Connor says, "I've always wanted a pretend brother or sister."

2.  The day after my daughter's 4th hamster perished, while standing in line at Target, she asks me if she can have one of those tiny Barbie toys hanging by the counter.
I say “no”. She tears up and says “Every time I hear the word no, I think about my
dead hamster”


3. My son, 9 years old, gets to pick any number for his jersey.. this is what he picks

      

Can you tell his father took him?  99 and 1 were both taken.. but I would have at least suggested any other number.

4.  One day, walking through Whole Foods, I threaten to take Connor out of the race car cart and make him walk.  I sternly say “Do you want to walk again”  To which every adult within earshot jerked their head around at and stared.  Some guy chuckling walked by and said “Geez, she’s going to break your legs son, I’d listen to her!”

5.  I let Abby give me a makeover.  As she starts moving down my chin with the lipstick, I give her a confused look.  She looks at me and says, “I accidentally messed up so I made you a zombie.”

6.    When C was about 3 or so he was eating ice cream with Nana & Papa.  After taking too big of a bite, he got a brain freeze.  He held his little fists up by his face and with his eyes closed repeated “Be brave, be brave” only it came out “Be Bwave, be bwave”

     
7.  A letter from C to A:

 To Abby From Connor:  I love you so much my head could explode.  Love, Connor

8.   My daughter created a secret handshake to share with her Aunt J which consists of some fiving, fist bumps and ends in their hands gesturing in an arch as they say “rainbow” followed by a growl.

 9.   No caption necessary:

10.       I've got "fashion" in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it....

11.       A:  “I swallowed my earring”

12.    Yet another makeover by my sweet daughter.  This time she starts putting make-up on my nose.  I look at her confused and she says, "I messed up on the eyes so I made you a clown."  I don't see a Mary Kay career in her future.

V-I-C-T-O-R-Y

All too often lately I’m left of a feeling of “I’m so done” and the day is not nearly over.  I feel like I have given all that I have to give and am ready to retreat to my bedroom with the door locked, curtains drawn, and blanket over my head. 

So when a day comes where things fall into place and everyone is cheery, light-hearted, and behaving I want to dance and shout it from the rooftops.  Yesterday was just that day for me.  The heavens opened and light poured over my family and the angels sang.

The day before, however, was brutal.  We had discussion after discussion with our 9 year old son about looking at the bright side of things.  He has a HUGE tendency to focus on the negatives.  He is a child that can look at a rainbow and point out that the colors are off just so.  Deciding enough was enough, my husband and I sat down and had a serious talk about how having a positive attitude can make life so much more enjoyable.  To which he replied that there weren’t any positives in anything he did.  We talked and talked, gave example after example, until we threw our hands up in the air, and said “Fine, if you insist on being miserable go be miserable in your room so we don’t have to be a part of it.” 

I felt like a failure right then with no idea what else to do… I prayed. 

The next day I pass my son’s class in the hall (this is usually the point where I quickly duck into a room and hide until they pass) and his teacher informs me that he has been a model student all day.  He looks at me and smiles and says not only is he having a great day but that he is looking forward  to playing baseball tonight(which up until this point has consisted of our dragging him kicking and screaming).  He gets home from school still in a great mood talking about all of the positive things he’s focused on today and how it has just been the best day ever.  We go to baseball where he scores twice, gets a sweet hit, and stands in his “down and ready” position outfield instead of dancing around tossing his hat in the air.  His team wins their first game this season and there are 11 boys cheering and jumping with joy. 

I get home, curl up on the couch with a fever of 101 and think.. Thank you Jesus, this was the perfect day!